..inside out…

feeling weak without him..its been almost 1 week since i last hear his voice..i hope i could be stronger..i think i am..but apparently im not..

GOD..please help me..take care of him..i love him..

sometimes things can be harder than u expected~~

depressed~~

love u~~

dah 1week abg pegi london(lg3bulan3minggu die nk blk.ohoho)..

agak susah jugakla minggu nie.cepat badmood,cepat emo asik tringat je.tp ok je.xla teruk sgt. td mase nak balik kolej,tibe2 nampak satu kete gen2 nie kt parkinglot kolej.at that moment, i thot it was him.gile kan? tibe2 je heart beat jd laju gile.huhu.bile pk2 balik..bengong nye..tolongla sharmi ;p

td ade lab fisio tumb..tanye la tutor ni,cane master tu,susah x,bljr cane,layak ke aku nie nk amik master..mcm2la.

aku terpikir,is this really what i want?teaching has always been my passion.btul ke aku nk smbg master?in science.the tutor suggested that i should be a research assistant for atleast 1year b4 doing my master.sbb die kate 2 gain experience since aku bdk sep.not pure science.myb susah sketla.nak phm sume2 tu,nk skill ape sume.sbb die kate ade lecturer yg xnak amik bdk sep sbb die nak budak yg dah ade skill.

xtaula.cam confuse.myb ade org ckp,"lecturer je?"..tp xkesahla.aku suke mngajar.bg aku,cikgu tu keje yg baik gle.aku pk2 blk..biarla ape org nk ckp.aku ingt nk keje cikgu jgk.plan die camni::

• smbl tgu posting,mtk jd cikgu tuisyen @ cikgu ganti
• dpt posting,mngjr 1thn
• smbg mster in education(mtk2 dpt bhgn science curriculum)

tula..ingt camtu je

kalo korg bc blog nie,tlg bg opinion korg ye..tq

hmm~~

it has been over 3 years..just let it go!! go on with ur life. why must u look back? if u r trying to say that u regret it, well dont.i pity u,i do..but what can i say?? i think u deserved it.

all is mine now..go n ruin others life. not mine..please..i beg u. ive been waiting for this, for my whole life..so please..

dont come n ask what happened back then.past is past. accept the fact.accept the fact that hes not coming back to u..NEVER.nail that in ur mind.

we r happy with our life now.dont hurt him by reminding him what happened before.

SO PLEASE..BUG OFF!!

minggu yg plg clumsy utk aku..huhu

1st, xjmpe surat twrn ptptn utk borang posting

2nd, sijil spm xsemena mena ilang

3rd, buku yg pinjam kt kwn aku ilang..ohoho..camne nk ganti nie.huhu

4th, lupe nk check transkrip exam.xkire jam kredit plak.huhu

tulah,clumsy bukan?nape la nie

tapi…akhirnye jumpe jugak.sijil2 tu sume ade kt umah.dlmkotak.ahahahahaaa…nsb baik jmpe.hehe

tp buku tu xdpt diselamatkan.kene beli baru la npk gaye nye..

hmm~~~~

i almost breakdown at klia last nite.i neva thot things will be this hard.its not that im not happy for him.im happy..very..but its just that im so used to him being here with me whenever i need him n he needs me.we do almost everything together.tapi tulah..bak kate org..mesti ada hikmah pnye benda nie.die pegi pon nak blajar..bukan berpoye2..i want the best for him..only the best.n if this is it,then,xkesahla.this is what he wanted all this time.ni yg die nak dr dulu..n ill support him..ill be the pillar of his strength..

the hardest part was watching him going down the escalator to the departure hall..only at that moment i realized that this is not a dream.but ill be strong for him.i wont deny that ill be sad n its going to be very hard. but ill be strong.. i would do anything for him..anything..

his flght was at 8++ pm.so dia msk dlm pukul 8 cam tula.thanx uncle panjangkan mase lg..huhu..pttnye msk kul 7.30..tp abah die bg lame sket time.hehe

i cried the whole nite..i cant sleep..i miss him..very much..i miss his smile,his touch his voice.everything..it feels like half of me is gone.

but..no matter how sad n how hard it is for me..i know that its harder for him.sabar sayang..be strong k?b slalu dengan abg.. abg jgn risau..ill be waiting for u sayang..

jgn lupa b kat sini.love u sayang…love u very much…always n forever…

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SAYANG…

the exam’s over..im finally merdeka now (until 30.12.haih!!)..i did badly for my histology..carry marks agak teruk..huhuu..tp xkesahla..examdh hbs!!!!

im in the process of packing up (xhbs2..haih lagi!) so going back home for holiday..1month tau..gile lame huhu..apela nk buat kt umah nie..ill definitely miss lots of things:

• monyet2 yg ade kt aras nie..dh jadi cam nk g berperang je tiap kali nk mandi.hehe
• my nice n comfy bed
• my desk
• my frens + rumates
• lecture hall
• assignments(hoho..xcaye tol!!)
• going out with my syg (ill miss this the most)

so anyway, yesterday i went to meet my abg’s mom..damn scared dowh..hbs sume bende langgar kt sane..langgar krusi,langgar meja,payung,pagar..sumela..hadoi..kalo la mak die prasan,malu gile.hohoho…

cam ok gak la smlm kan.tu pon abah die xde..kalo ade,lg la takot.huahuahuahuahuaaaaa

then,ktorg g ampang mkn ktsane..best sgt2.sgt sedap..thanx syg..ur the best!!!

dlm 11 tu kotrg g sportseven kt wangse maju..bdk2 nie g maen futsal.at 1st "abg maen 1 jam je b eh?" thn i said "oo.ok.maenla xpe." tibe2, "b abg maen 2 jam eh?" huhuu..xpe2.xkesah pon.as long as dpt tgk die maen pon dh ok. hes so cute.huhu..he scored 4 goals..wwaaaaahhh!!!!bangge i.huhu

for sure la dh pg sane tu "tolong jagekan sluar nie eh" "tlg tgkan beg eh" "b, amikkan wallet abg" "b nak air" "b nak hp" "b pegang duit nie jap" n it goes on n on n on…uhuhu.but its all worth it..love u sayang..

nnt abg g maen futsal lg b nak ikut eh syg =)

he sent me back to um around 2.30am kot..huhu..exhausted gle..but still bleh je nk kuar lg tp dgn syrat…dgn ABG!! huhuhuh

28.1….xlame je lg..im gonna miss u so much syg =)

waaahhh…dah puase!!!er..blom lg.esokla..but neway, dh puase!! yeay!! huhu..meh2.doa jap..

"ya ALLAH, berkatilah puase kami pd thn ini, hindarkanlah kami dr perkara2 yang mungkar, kuatkan la kami utk menempuh bulan ramadhan ini dan juga dugaan2 MU. berilah kami yg terbaik dlm ape jua yg kami sdg lakukan.AMIN"

td pegi trawih..kt blok k1.okla jugakbuat kt situ sbb dkt dgn blok.tp tulah,xmuat utk bdk2 pompuan.terpakse buat kt tpt lagi 1.smyg punye smyg,ms dh nak blk tu..dgn penuh excited nye aku pon mencari slipe biruku..tibe2..jmpe sblh je.cube teke sblh lg ktne? DLM LONGKANG!!! waaaaaaaaaaa…sedey tol.tp berkat pertolongn kwn2 ku iaitu WARDAH n FIRAH maka masalh itu dpt diselesaikan..hahaha.huuuu

tulah,jgn maen gurau2 lg bulan2 puase nie..sblm tu aku gurau dgn firah. "eh,firah..cane kalo tibe2 sblh slipe aku dok dlm longkang?hahahaha"…skali jd betulla..waaaaa!!!!!! tobat!!

huhuuuu..

last week was a very busy week..full of tests,assignments to submit,busyla..luckily he’s alwys there for me..hbsla die kene dgr aku mbebel2 psl test..yeke?aku ade mbebel ke?hehe..xkot..

oo..mgu nie pon ade feskum jugak..xbest cam previous years pon..xtau ape yg xbest..tp xbestla..xmeriah cam dulu..xbest pon strawberry coklat tu..tah hape tah yg siti suke..huhu

bestnye kuar dgn abg hr khamis hr tu..thanx 4 d capati n ladoo syg..hehe kan b dah ckp..ladoo tu sedap..xcaye..kan dah nak order lg satu..

hari nie berjalan sakan dengan eda kat feskum..pg tgk org konvo lg..dr kul10-3.30 nonstop.huuhuhu..penat gle

kak kely,kak awin, kak tini,kak aishah,kak sarah, wana, fiza,nik,,rmilg la..sume dah grad..xsabarnye naktgu taun depan!!! nnt mesti best..waaah!!!

hmm..ingt dah grad nak smbg master..nak tak eh?? hmm..akan dipikirkan.. =)

i do hate myself sometimes..really..

i want my life to be as perfect as everyone else..hmm..

~im fat

~im not as brilliant n intelligent as everyone else..

~i never get 3.3 and above ( which almost all of my friends penah dpt dean’s list at least once…*sigh)

~i got B- for this one test yg most of classmates dpt A..gile kan?

~financial problems..

~my fren hates me..she hates me!!!

~i dont know how to appreciate ppl around me

~i want to have a stress-free n problem-free life..which is impossible la kan..

~taktau makeup..tak reti nak dressing2  nie..tak lawa pon…

God..my life sucks kan??loser gile..

im not grateful kan?tp tula..smetimes mmg rase camtu…

NO..DONT!! i dont need ur sympathy.. i can manage my own life..thanx..but no thanx.. 

despite having my so-called-sucks life, i have wonderful ppl around me..thnx to my family, frens and my abg..w’out them..xtaula cane nak moveon..thanx to u guys..